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What’s the best matchup for each NFL franchise based off team name alone?

By Peter Panacy

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - DECEMBER 19: Tight end Heath Miller #83 of the Pittsburgh Steelers is tackled after a catch during the game at Candlestick Park on December 19, 2011 in San Francisco, California. (Photo by Karl Walter/Getty Images)
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - DECEMBER 19: Tight end Heath Miller #83 of the Pittsburgh Steelers is tackled after a catch during the game at Candlestick Park on December 19, 2011 in San Francisco, California. (Photo by Karl Walter/Getty Images) /
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FOXBORO, MA – OCTOBER 25: Rob Gronkowski #87 of the New England Patriots high fives members of the end zone militia before a game against the New York Jets at Gillette Stadium on October 25, 2015 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images)
FOXBORO, MA – OCTOBER 25: Rob Gronkowski #87 of the New England Patriots high fives members of the end zone militia before a game against the New York Jets at Gillette Stadium on October 25, 2015 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images) /

New England Patriots vs. Ohio Valley Redcoats

This only makes too much sense.

America’s independence was founded on those storied tales of Minutemen fending off the mighty British Army during the American Revolution. And with the famous tale of Paul Revere riding off into the Massachusetts countryside, the New England Patriots need a common foe to battle.

via GIPHY

Thank you, Ohio Valley Redcoats, for providing the moniker.

The Redcoats were once an independent-league baseball team lasting only from 1993 through 1998 in Ohio Valley, West Virginia. Chances are, you’ve never heard of this baseball squad and only know of the redcoat term from your U.S. history classes back in school.

Still, it’s the ideal matchup.

And since America won its independence — and the Patriots are still pulling off Super Bowl wins with frequency — it’s pretty easy to determine who gets the nod here.

Next: 49ers' 2017 offseason recap

I hope you enjoyed this little bit of humor while we await the start of NFL action this fall. And if you’re rolling your eyes a bit, good. I accomplished what I set out to do.