The 10 worst tailgate foods 49ers fans should hate (but don’t)

Tailgating at a 49ers game is a wonderful tradition, but don’t let these terrible foods ruin your game experience at Levi’s Stadium anytime soon.

Yes, I’ve been known to have absurd food takes on Twitter.

People have ridiculed and criticized my taste in different items, but hey, those are just my own opinions. You might have some favorite foods that I just happen to find disgusting. And that’s perfectly OK.

Except for the fact that food is still disgusting. And if you think I’m kidding, the below is just an example of me going light:

Alright, now that we’ve gotten the disclaimer out of the way, let’s extend my hot food takes over to the San Francisco 49ers.

More specifically, tailgating for a Niners game outside of Levi’s Stadium.

Whichever parking lot or area you are in, be sure to bring your favorite grub and eats with you to your tailgate part.

Unless, of course, you’re bringing one of these 10 horribly disgusting tailgate foods that have no business being outside Levi’s Stadium.

49ers bad tailgate food No. 10: Spinach artichoke dip

If you like spinach artichoke dip, then I believe there is something wrong with you.

For starters, spinach and artichokes are both horrendous by themselves. Eating spinach raw is boring, and cooking it down makes it look like green mush. As for artichokes? How much of it is even edible? Don’t get me started on putting artichoke hearts on your tailgate pizzas.

Then there’s making it totally worse for a pregame festivity: combining the two together into some greenish dip for crackers, chips and veggies?

And as they say, “two wrongs don’t make a right.” They don’t here either.

This dip is nasty and I would much rather eat salsa, which is also not good.

49ers bad tailgate food No. 9: French onion dip

Sticking with the dips here for a bit, because we all love those appetizers at games, right?

You could’ve had ranch, blue cheese, queso, or buffalo sauce for dips, but you chose french onion?

Seriously?

French onion goes well with one item and one item only: ridged potato chips. Anything else is pointless, meaning this particular dip is a complete waste for a San Francisco tailgate experience.

Even if you bring that favorite bag of potato chips, you missed the entire point.

Go big or go home, and don’t waste your time trying to dive into this pointless spread that you found at the back of your refrigerator and wanted to gid rid of on Sunday at the game.

49ers bad tailgate food No. 8: Guacamole

If there’s one thing guacamole has going for it above french onion dip, it’s that the avocado spread is a little more versatile.

Especially for those who seemingly love putting guacamole on everything.

In California, avocado and guacamole seem to be the rage. If you order a “California burger” or something similar at a restaurant, all the chefs do is slap some avocado or guacamole on it and say it’s California-esque.

What?

Look, guacamole tastes like paste. And while we all have those friends who love eating this rancid stuff, do yourself a favor and leave it off your list of foods to bring to your 49ers tailgating experience

But, if you enjoy eating paste, then you enjoy eating guacamole. There really isn’t much else to say about this one.

49ers bad tailgate food No. 7: Cauliflower bites

Why are you eating cauliflower at a tailgate? One of the worst-tasting vegetables out there, and you’re just choosing to cause bad luck to yourself.

Most vegetables are pointless, especially when you’re indulging in all kinds of non-healthy foods at a pregame party. And even if you’re trying to get your greens in there so you won’t feel all bad about what you inhaled before cheering on the red and gold, there are so many better options than cauliflower bits.

Like, hundreds of better options even if most are disgusting.

Go with the classic veggies if you’re going to do this: carrots and ranch, grilled zucchini or plain and simple celery sticks.

The last one is basically water, but you’ll want to hydrate yourself before the game anyway.

49ers bad tailgate food No. 6: Pulled pork

OK, we’re not going to just stick with the small bites and appetizers here. Let’s dive into what’ll likely be some main dishes for your 49ers tailgating experience.

And while this might rub some people the wrong way, trying to impress your friends with your pulled pork recipe isn’t actually going to impress anyone.

For starters, my own disclaimer: Pork does not taste good and pulling it apart doesn’t help its case at all. At least if you’re shredding chicken, you can season and flavor it in a greater number of ways than pulled pork.

Unless you’re just a favorite of all kinds of barbecue sauce, which is great on other things.

Not wasted on pork.

There are so many other meat dishes you can prepare and serve at a tailgate party, so don’t waste your time on this waste of a plate.

49ers bad tailgate food No. 5: Popcorn shrimp

I absolutely hate seafood, and when someone eats popcorn shrimp, I feel nauseous.

The smell is putrid and downright awful.

My own personal thoughts aside, popcorn shrimp is little more than something you can get at a fast-food place that just happens to sell seafood. And while seafood in itself is disgusting to a lot of us folk, simply taking shrimp and tossing them into the deep fryer and calling it food isn’t exactly a recipe for success.

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You’re going to find so many better options for a San Francisco home game, so don’t bother trying to heat up those pre-fried shrimp, and please don’t try bringing in your home fryer to make it work somehow.

49ers bad tailgate food No. 4: Potato skins

You’ve got a few restaurants out there to thank for this one, and unfortunately for the rest of us, they’ve dished out those packaged frozen versions of loaded potato skins you can take home and cook in your very own oven.

Please, keep them there. Don’t bring them to Levi’s Stadium.

Sure, this might be the ideal food to soak up all of the beer you might be drinking before kickoff. But when you stop and think about how mushy those skins get after you’ve topped them with sour cream (gross), guacamole (gross) and mounds of green onion (gross), you’ve got little more than a disgusting concoction that looks like it was created by an evil chef, not a tailgating master.

Please stop. Leave these at home, and just stick with french fries or something else more manageable and tasty.

49ers bad tailgate food No. 3: Baked beans

You’re an odd person to like baked beans and eat them at a Niners tailgate. There are so many options for a side and you choose to eat sauced-up beans?

Let’s go over why this is so wrong.

For starters, the smell isn’t going to be indicative of some fresh barbecue at the lot right next to yours outside Levi’s Stadium. Fans don’t exactly come flocking to the San Francisco Bay Area to get a sampling of the local baked beans, right? And they’re also not going to appreciate the odiferous wafting of baked beans just before the 49ers game.

Making things worse, after you’ve downed a full helping of all those beans and chugged a couple of beers to wash it down, no one will want to sit next to you during the game either.

Stick with corn over the barbecue. That’s so much better of an option.

49ers bad tailgate food No. 2: Seven-layer dip

The seven-layer dip is the worst dip to have ever existed. I would never understand how anyone could consume such a monstrosity ever.

For starters, Niners fans, it already includes many of the items I’ve listed here that are gross: beans, guacamole, sour cream and green onions. Now you want to put that all together for one all-encompassing dip on game day?

No thanks. No thanks times 10!

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It gets worse, too. Think about how hot it can get in early fall in the parking lots outside Levi’s Stadium. Upon first glance, that seven-layer dip seems fine. But before too long, uncovered and not cooled, the dip starts to melt and mesh together.

Shortly after that, you see flies land in the dip. Admit it, you’ve seen it.

And still, you want to dip your chips into it afterward? That’s gross.

49ers bad tailgate food No. 1: BLTs

Alright, back to our main dishes for the finale of worst tailgate foods that 49ers fans should actually hate but probably don’t.

The one and only BLT. Yes, that oh-so creative (sarcasm fully intended) sandwich where some genius thought slapping some bacon, tomato and lettuce between two slices of bread would somehow constitute elite cuisine.

If you wanted a salad, then you could’ve just asked. Stop putting the most overrated meat (sorry, bacon, you are) in everything, and tomatoes are just disgusting. Unless they’re fried and green.

To make this even more insulting to tailgating, stop and think about all the other items you can make at a Niners game. Whether it’s fajitas, tri-tip, sausages or whatever else is coming off the grill, all of them outclass the BLT.

Still doubting yourself? Well, when was the last time you went to a football game and thought, “Gee, I’d like to have a BLT at the game today”?

Yeah, you never said that to yourself. Ever. Go get some food that’s better.